Pizza Aficionado Gifts

"If you must know—pizza, pepperoni pizza, and I'm going to relish every damn bite."

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

Instead of hunting gazelle tonight, how about ordering a pizza and eating the delivery man?

"I'm afraid that eating 12 varieties of pizza doesn't constitute a 'varied' diet."

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

'For Jimmy's birthday we're having a regurgitated pizza party.'

"Am I going crazy or does this table smell like mozzarella cheese?!?"

'We should dispose of the evidence.'

A short-lived waiter: "Could I bring you some garlic bread with that?"

"Who says you can't still find a dollar slice in this city?"

"Relax, I'm just here to deliver a pizza."

Pizzas

A meal break in night court. $29.95 for a pizza?! This is a very serious charge!

Here's your 18-inch pipin' hot pepperoni. I will devour. Wait, give it just a minute. Must … hold … on. Roof-of-mouth burn. Another hot-pizza-related injury. Dear reader, We spare you the carnage.

Pizza Palazzo. Same-day delivery. We really do live in an era of diminished expectations.

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"This place is known for their pizza."

No! I said a 100-foot Piazza!

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Radioactive Pizza

"Now we wait."

"Carpe pizza"

"You had a baby?"

"Home of the 7-Slicer"

"You don't get water retention, dear. You get pizza retention."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"You can think of it s me saving you a slice or the one leftover slice, either way it's cold."

Two armed guards remove a pizza from an armored vehicle.

"I know it's a long shot, but could you throw in a squirrel with that pizza?"

"I hope you didn't tip him for a cold pizza."

"I've heard tell of a Ray's even more original."

"Es tu, Little Caesar?"

"Oh, great, the fundamentalists are back."