Pitch Pro Pillows

"You have until he rolls his eyes and looks at his watch."

Alan Pardew

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

Elevator Pitch

The Goalkeeper

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

'I hope you made the prospect say no three times before you gave up.'

Dragon's den desk. 'I'm in' and 'I'm out' tray on desk.

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'Here's where you give me non-comprehending nods of approval.'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

Jurgen Klopp Caricature

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"By the way, about your presentation...Management has made a surprise visit."

Football Crazy.

Wilfried Zaha

Big Football

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

'It's the next big thing, but I can't fit it through the door.'

Personal Cheerleader.

'Any questions?'

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

'I think the meeting went reasonably well until he threatened to call security.'