Pitch Presenter Gifts

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

The Goalkeeper

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

Jurgen Klopp Caricature

"By the way, about your presentation...Management has made a surprise visit."

'It's the next big thing, but I can't fit it through the door.'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

Wilfried Zaha

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'Any questions?'

'You want to run that by me again?'

Free Speech has heavy price.

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

George Best

'As you know, gentlemen, innovation at the point of sale accounts for our competitive edge.'

Bring in the baritone. The bass' pitch is too low.

'Dad says you can throw your voice. Toss it here.'

Arsene Wenger

"Fabulous! Marvellous! The kind of job that only comes along once in a lifetime!"

"Fantastic business concept! I'm sure with that we'll convince the bank to give us a 87,000,000 Euro loan!"

'Granted, the Board of Directors didn't think much of your proposal, but I think they'll be impressed by your resilience!'

'Your proposal's on my desk right now, though I have to admit, I've made some significant changes.'

Bowled out.