Pitch Pundit Gifts

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

"If you want to book me you'll have to see my agent."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

In the Guru District

They're Not Just That Into It

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

Difference of Opinion

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Torturing the English Language

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

Backtrack! A game of Political Undoing

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

U.S. Credit Rating

The Jose Padilla Experience

Honest Boris

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."