Pitch Pundit Gifts

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

"If you want to book me you'll have to see my agent."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

In the Guru District

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Difference of Opinion

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

Honest Boris

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

U.S. Credit Rating

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."