Pipe Puffing Philosopher Gifts

Flying Seagulls

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Hamlet in the craft shop.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'The first cocktail.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

Musical Pipe

Bar Therapy

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

Scariest Tactics

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

Warning.

'So there's a fly in your beer — why begrudge a fellow creature a little happiness?'

Roadwork ahead: Proceed cautiously and from love rather than negativity.

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

Snowman

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

"I'll keep thinking inside the box as long as they let me smoke in the box."

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

"Something life affirming. On the rocks."

Beer is made by men, wine by god.

'I may be lying in the gutter but I'm looking up at the...WILL SOMEONE TURN ME OVER?'

"Sometimes I unwind too fast, and it makes me a little dizzy."