Pill Philosopher Gifts

"I have these pills to relieve hayfever but the side effects are watery eyes, a runny nose and sneezing."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Pachyderm insomnia.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

"I can see you're concerned about the amount of medication you're taking. Let me see if I can give you something for that."

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Who's God?"

U. S. POST OFFICE, ''Fragile'? Yeah, yeah, pal -- they're all fragile.'

'Finally some good news about out new vitamin pill!'

The secret of marriage is chemistry - he's on valium and I'm on prozac

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

'I've never slept with a cartoonist before; will it be funny?'

This prescription doesn't have side efets. It's more like straight to the top and straight to the bottom.

'I can't sleep, knowing that the increased cost of doing business is being passed on to me!'

'Yin... Yang... Yin... Yang....'

No way am I taking a spinach and broccoli pill.

R Prescriptions

'I didn't feel answers were necessary. All the questions seemed rhetorical.'

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

"Of course the second amendment stands, I just said no bullets."

'Ah, suddenly my pitiful life has meaning!'

Next cartoon - 5 minutes...

"I'm too tired to be annoying right now."

"And how can I help you Mr. Stephens?"

Weight gain on the pill.