Pigsty Philosopher Pillows

"Just don't swallow any. What we're wallowing in is Hi-Density Syntha-Soil Fabricated Mud."

Pigeon Little

"Yes, one is a dog."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Cat Reunion

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Reverse psychology

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

The Inner Dog.

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

Ham-Dram

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It Works For Us."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Fish Food