Piglet Philosopher Pillows

Ham-Dram

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

The Fourth Little Pig

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Cat Reunion

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

The Inner Dog.

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

Hold on Cutlet! We have to get past Mom's waxed floor!

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

The Meaning of Life

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

"You need a hobby."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"