Pigsty Ponderer Pillows

"They were not the tastiest mints the swine had eaten, but they kept casting them before him, so he kept on eating them."

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Bees v Wasps

'As I see it, it's a toss-up between a Belgian data processing machine and an American electronic computer.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

Fish Food

The Eurozone - Running On Empty

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

'I bark, therefore I am.'

"Wait, THEY think WE'RE gross?"

"We're not so different, you and I."

"Which one of us is me?"

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

A man doing a reality check.

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

'Individually lemmings are fine, but get a bunch of 'em together and they'll head straight for the nearest cliff.'

'Do you ever wonder if what we're doing is annoying?'

"Just don't swallow any. What we're wallowing in is Hi-Density Syntha-Soil Fabricated Mud."

"You have a really weird energy."

'If moths like light so much why do you never see them during the day?'

"Why cull us when we could be retrained?"