Pigsty Ponderer Gifts

"They were not the tastiest mints the swine had eaten, but they kept casting them before him, so he kept on eating them."

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Bees v Wasps

'As I see it, it's a toss-up between a Belgian data processing machine and an American electronic computer.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

The Eurozone - Running On Empty

Fish Food

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

'I bark, therefore I am.'

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

"Wait, THEY think WE'RE gross?"

"We're not so different, you and I."

"Which one of us is me?"

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

A man doing a reality check.

'Individually lemmings are fine, but get a bunch of 'em together and they'll head straight for the nearest cliff.'

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

'If moths like light so much why do you never see them during the day?'

"You have a really weird energy."

"Just don't swallow any. What we're wallowing in is Hi-Density Syntha-Soil Fabricated Mud."

'Do you ever wonder if what we're doing is annoying?'

"Why cull us when we could be retrained?"