Piety Enthusiast Gifts

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"What did Jesus order?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

Praying mantis.

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

Snail crossing

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

"Do me a favor, chief. Next time you carve something in stone have it spell checked first."

"Hallelujah!"

Attila the Nun.

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'