Piety Enthusiast Pillows

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

The ecumenical dinner party.

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"What did Jesus order?"

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Praying mantis.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Catholic-Protestant Debates. . .

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

Attila the Nun.

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

"Do me a favor, chief. Next time you carve something in stone have it spell checked first."

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"Hallelujah!"

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"