Phone Message Collector Pillows

Jail cell answering machine: We are unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message...

"Nuts to you, too."

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

"I'm away from my desk right now..."

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'Try his land line.'

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

'Fantastic!Stupendous!Masterly!Mind blowing!Polished!Unbeatable!Amazing!Incredible! Out of this world!...a performance that's left me speechless.'

Bell invents the telephone.

"In the olden days, people used payphones. Beats me how they took selfies!"

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

'Yes, I'm really modern now. I use a cell phone and no longer need a phone booth.'

"I've traveled billions of light-years and visited countless planets. Earth is the only place I can't get a signal."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Strictly off the record.

Mega Phone

Investments: New Investors Get Free Cell Phone With Ringtone 'We're in the Money'.

"No, you didn't wake me. I always sound like this."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your son just isn't very smart."

"I just pick a new one each season. How else would you get a new Apple?"

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

'I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to sell you that smart phone without first verifying your IQ.'

'No comment!'

Wordilly Durdillies - Ringworm

"My wife doesn't understand you."

'What in hell kind of a men's room is this?'

'Excuse me, Miss, but I believe that we've met previously.'

Life before mobile phones

'For deliveries press the hatch key.'

'I though I'd developed tinnitus, then I remembered we still have a landline.'

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."

'Click! I'm out right now.'

"This whole time we could've been charging our phones."

Selfie sticks growing on trees.