Phobia Master T-Shirts

"Don't be afraid if you see a Martian. There's no such thing."

Dog Nightmares

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

Dead Funny

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"What do you mean you can't stand to be touched?"

"Pencil eraser."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'Dr. Wit specializes in treating patients with a fear of low places.'

I'm afraid of Chia Pets, doctor. Actually, Al, so am I. Either you're getting well, or I'm going nuts.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

What's Their Secret?

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

I just can't understand Ho9w anyone could be afraid of clowns.

"Mr. Carley, would you like to begin today’s session?" "Claustrophobic's therapy session today at 2:00"

"No, not us. Do something every day that scares you."

'You get to see the countryside, meet interesting characters and relax traveling this way. Besides, I'm scared of flying.'

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

"No, I'm scarier."

Death By Mattress

'Tell me again why we are afraid of chairs.'

'For claustrophobia. Take two tablets right before hiding under the bed.'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

Psychiatrist. Claustrophobic, eh? The doctor is pretty busy today, but maybe I can squeeze you in.

'Do you still think my fear of Scottish clowns is irrational?'

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

Psychiatry. It's funny. You're a germaphobe and the last patient on that couch has a phobia about soap!