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Little Shop of Horrors

"No, I'm scarier."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Dead Funny

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"What do you mean you can't stand to be touched?"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Monster Baseball

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Pencil eraser."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

'Dr. Wit specializes in treating patients with a fear of low places.'

I'm afraid of Chia Pets, doctor. Actually, Al, so am I. Either you're getting well, or I'm going nuts.

I just can't understand Ho9w anyone could be afraid of clowns.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Mr. Carley, would you like to begin today’s session?" "Claustrophobic's therapy session today at 2:00"

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

What's Their Secret?

'How old is this vase?'

"No, not us. Do something every day that scares you."

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

Death By Mattress