Philosopher's Apprentice Gifts

Head full of Books.

"It's a vanity project."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"Hare the ignorance. Love the ignoramus."

"Let me quote a few home truths to you."

'Sorry for the inconvenience, I'm having the office painted.'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

'I'm getting tired, Robin. Why don't we teach the poor to steal for themselves?'

Sign on Marquis de Sade's door reading 'Disturbed. Do not disturb.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"One year closer to college!"

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

Pastorius wonders why.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Et in Arcadia Ego

"Nihilistic customer service"

Free speech isn't cheap!

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'In my opinion, you're either part of the problem or part of the solution. Unless, of course, you're Jones, who thinks he can just float above it all!'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Remember that '70s TV show 'What's Happening'!? Did they ever come up with an answer?" "I don't know, but it makes me wonder if Marvin Gaye found out what's going on." "The black hole of cannabis-induced queries"