Philistine Humorist Pillows

'Can I just buy the frame?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

Optimist

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'