Pheromone Philosopher Gifts

Pheromones.

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

The Inner Dog.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'He has some unresolved issues.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"You need a hobby."

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

"Why so sad, Pal?"

"Think, man! Think! How did you get this old so fast?!"

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

The dark side of the moon