Firecracker Philosopher Gifts

Yes, you're a dud. You come from a long line of duds. And I guarantee someday you'l be very happy you're a dud.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Reverse psychology

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Courage. Love.

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Heidegger-Hi!'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"Let me take you back to a dark time when all you could do with a phone was make phone calls."

The Meaning of Life

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

"It Works For Us."