Throne Philosopher Gifts

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"This stool shall pass."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Is this a bad time for our feedback meeting?"

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

"I worry that the king's constant lying and his attacks on our societal norms and institutions is coarsening the civic discourse deemed essential by enlightened people everywhere!"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

'I owe all my drive, ambition, and dedication to student debt.'

"At lunchtime Dr. Jones just loves taking union talk with his fellow brothers."

'We're ahead of the game. We've lost nothing since we never had anything.'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

'A wise hermit? ME?? Ribbish!! I sprained my darn ankle by climbing up here and now I can't get down anymore!'

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"I'm tired of being Queen. I want to be First Lady."

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'