Throne Humorist Gifts

'I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Save my seat.'

'The Royal Staircase is in the shop.'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

No Soliciting

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Surprise!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I got an F today - for improper interfacing with my computer.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Shaved Ice

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Where's my horse?'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

Inappropriate horse whispering.