Locker Philosopher Gifts

"Just because you can never remember you locker combination doesn't mean the school is failing to meet state accessibility standards."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

Pop Culture for Teens

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

"I noticed a few browns."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Business man sees himself as a shark

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Quarantine: Day Quinty-Neven

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

"Bear with us, will you? -- We're having technical difficulties over here."

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"My son has a magnetic personality. That's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

"What should I say this is about?"

'You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'