Locker Philosopher Pillows

"Just because you can never remember you locker combination doesn't mean the school is failing to meet state accessibility standards."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

"I noticed a few browns."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

Business man sees himself as a shark

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

Quarantine: Day Quinty-Neven

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Bear with us, will you? -- We're having technical difficulties over here."

"My son has a magnetic personality. That's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door."

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

"What should I say this is about?"

COVID Era Intel

'I'm at the age when everything Mother Nature gave Father Time is taking away...'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'