Pharmaceutical Wit Gifts

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

Snowprov

Backfire

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Doggone

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Czarcasm

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

The Frankenstein snowman.

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

Knitted Kitty.

Paper Boy

"The penicillin looks good."

"When we tested this medication on dogs, nobody noticed any side effects."

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'He never listened to his mother!'