Ph Tester Gifts

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

Bad for you but to die for

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

"Your meal sounded nice."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Avocado Timeline

Rust test in progress.

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

Product Testing Department

"Damn these super powers!"

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

Big Burgers.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Gesundheit."

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"Needs ketchup."