Water Taste Tester Gifts

'Do you want tap water or bottled water..?'

Bad for you but to die for

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

"Your meal sounded nice."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Avocado Timeline

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

"I can remember when water was just wet."

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

Big Burgers.

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

Dijon Vu

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'