Water Tasting Gifts

"Would sir care to see the water list?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Wine Lady

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Sauvignon Bonk

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Bubbly

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Picking pastries.