Water Tasting Gifts

"Would sir care to see the water list?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Wine Lady

Yoga for Alcoholics

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Sauvignon Bonk

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Picking pastries.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Bubbly