Water Taste Tester T-Shirts

'Do you want tap water or bottled water..?'

Bad for you but to die for

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"Your meal sounded nice."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Avocado Timeline

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

"I can remember when water was just wet."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

Big Burgers.

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

Dijon Vu

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'