Petty Officer Gifts

'I joined the navy to see the world and I spent four years on a submarine!'

'Petty Officer why does Jenkins keep shouting 'ice cream' from the lookout? Is he drunk? Put him on a charge when he comes down.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

hard-boiled egg...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Trump secret police

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Now that's a win."