Chief Petty Officer Gifts

Sailors' salty language class

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

Panama Papers Scandal

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

AI Safety Officer

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

Supply Chain

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."