Petrified Wood Collector Gifts

Moon Rock.

Wildlife

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

'It must be the dead sea.'

Try me/try me/try me...

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Feeling for shells

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

"I was going to get a cat but they had an offer on."

"I can hear the sea boiling."

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

A tree cries its leaves off like tears

'Of course you can hear the ocean,we're standing next to it.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"When you said you wanted to bring a pet to work, I thought you meant a DOG!"

A man with a rake on a desert island

Ad Valorem

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

'One day son, all this will be collected.'

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

'I succumbed to pierce pressure.'

For Sale By Owner

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'OK, so you've considered a whale and never committed. How about adoping a shell?'