Petrified Wood Collector Gifts

Moon Rock.

Wildlife

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Try me/try me/try me...

'It must be the dead sea.'

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

Feeling for shells

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

"I can hear the sea boiling."

A tree cries its leaves off like tears

'Of course you can hear the ocean,we're standing next to it.'

"I was going to get a cat but they had an offer on."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"When you said you wanted to bring a pet to work, I thought you meant a DOG!"

A man with a rake on a desert island

Ad Valorem

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

'One day son, all this will be collected.'

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

'I succumbed to pierce pressure.'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

'OK, so you've considered a whale and never committed. How about adoping a shell?'

There it is – my dream beach house.

For Sale By Owner