Pet Strategist T-Shirts

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"What you need to do is, find the biggest squirrel in the yard, walk right up to him and shake the dirty walnuts out of him."

Cat in a tank...

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"Works every time."

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Think about it: If we blow up the bridge, they'll have to swim across again...'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Ok...on the count of three, we evolve into piranha.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

"Sit!"

"You're the on who said we couldn't afford to send him to obedience classes!"

"We're still working out joint custody."

"Try nibblin' through that, you little tree rat!"

'First you fetch their slippers and then you chew them up -- it's called the 'good dog-bad dog' system.'

'It's gotta be a trap.'

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

Cats-can-sell anything advertising agency.

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

"When throwing up a hairball, placement is very important."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

'Do you have a silent can opener? I have 3 dogs who pile all over me.'

Dog in pet shop beats the competition by hold a sign saying 'Has Fleas'.

Rover's Cake

"Listen, Trixie, if we play this right and stick to the plan, we might get free room and board for the rest of our lives."

'I didn't see one deer today. They must have found a great place to hide.'

"Today's objective is the genetically modified corn in this quadrant!"

Deer using social media to avoid a hunter.

Sure, it's nice when Master gives us a bone, but frankly, I would prefer a juicy steak...

"And just remember: Daddy got you out of that nasty pet store because he hopes you'll act really cute and friendly in the park, especially around attractive, single women."

"Careful, you're probably driving in the wrong lane."