Puppy Love Strategist T-Shirts

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'I sent out for everything.'

Cat in a tank...

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

How to feel confident in love & war

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

'I'd like a puppy who's cute, playful, and can shoulder a lot of blame.'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

"I married for contrast."

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

Cupid Takes it Up a Notch