Doggie Strategist T-Shirts

'Do what I do when my husband hogs the remote control. Turn on the can opener. When he runs to the kitchen, go grab the remote.'

Cat in a tank...

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"Works every time."

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

Saving for Retirement.

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

CX909708

'Ok...on the count of three, we evolve into piranha.'

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'I couldn't keep squirrels away from my bird feeders, so I called a lawyer!'

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

"Sit!"

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'