Pet-related Jokester Pillows

'I must be losing it. I forgot to try to trip someone walking down the stairs today.'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Shake! Good Dog."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

Pet Entertainers

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

The First Cone of Shame.

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

Rogue elephant

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

The Karate Kitten.

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

Swine flu

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'