Pet Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"What say this week you be the cat and I'll be the dog?"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Pet Entertainers

Grinning dog points at missing cat poster with glee

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Rogue elephant

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

Doggy conductor

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

The Karate Kitten.

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

'No need to shout.'