Pet Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Thanks, anyways. But I think I'm just gonna poop somewhere in the house tonight."

'Ma'am, I think I already see the problem with your cuckoo clock.'

'... A raccoon, sure, even a skunk would be ok, but the cat?'

The Karate Kitten.

'It is an interesting idea — an anti-cat comic strip....'

"Don't be silly...of course I'm allowed in here."

'I can tell you were watching a cooking show. There's drool on the screen.'

Now playing - the best of Tiddles

101 uses of a dead cat: a mouses trampoline.

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

'Five second rule!' (dog and cat)

'Look at him! You just know he can't wait to get out and roll in something stinky!'

101 uses of a dead cat: morning star.

'Skip the farm - how much for just the ants?'

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

The Most Interesting Cat In The World

"She has to find just the right spot."

'You must have won the lottery.I just heard daddy say your number was up.'

'You killed my wife's Yorkie. I'm here to express my appreciation.'

"Looks like we'll be eating leftovers for a month!"

'Psst, how did you beat the system?'

'I want a straightforward answer: Did you or did you not willfully claw a flea to death on your left ear?'

"Separation anxiety."

Daschund Warning

Jesus walks on water (with his dog Saul) "Jesus Christ, slow it down!"

"I tried the whole ball of yarn thing ... didn't take."

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'The Buck Stops Here.'

'There's nothing wrong with your heart. It's your soft chocolate center.'

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'