Pet-related Jokester Gifts

'I must be losing it. I forgot to try to trip someone walking down the stairs today.'

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

Pet Entertainers

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

Rogue elephant

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

The Karate Kitten.

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

Swine flu

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'