Pet-loving Jokester Gifts

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Pet Entertainers

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

The First Cone of Shame.

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

Doggy conductor

The Karate Kitten.

"Teach me not to care."

"He ran out of pee."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"Anatomy of a cat"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'Yes, having a powerful sense of smell is good, but I do wish Master would change his socks more often...'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"Looks like we'll be eating leftovers for a month!"

"He's been this way ever since we ran out of liver treats."

'I want a straightforward answer: Did you or did you not willfully claw a flea to death on your left ear?'

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"Yes, it's embarrassing, but my master has a broken leg, so this is the only way I can go for a walk right now...

'I couldn't find your slippers. Will these do?'

The bad news is, Fluffy ate the squeaker out of her toy. The good news is, it's going to sound hilarious coming out.

'Sit!'

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'