Pet-loving Jokester T-Shirts

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Pet Entertainers

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

Doggy conductor

The Karate Kitten.

"He ran out of pee."

"Teach me not to care."

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"Anatomy of a cat"

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'Yes, having a powerful sense of smell is good, but I do wish Master would change his socks more often...'

"Looks like we'll be eating leftovers for a month!"

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"He's been this way ever since we ran out of liver treats."

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'

'I couldn't find your slippers. Will these do?'

'Sit!'

'I want a straightforward answer: Did you or did you not willfully claw a flea to death on your left ear?'

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"Yes, it's embarrassing, but my master has a broken leg, so this is the only way I can go for a walk right now...