Pet Psychology Ponderer Gifts

"I don't believe I belong here."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Needs to get a life"

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

'White meat or dark?'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Caption Contest TK

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

Jealousy