Pet Psychologist In Training Pillows

'It all started when my Master gave me my new collar. Every time I bark, I receive an electric shock: I think I'm possessed!'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."