Pet Psychologist In Training Pillows

'It all started when my Master gave me my new collar. Every time I bark, I receive an electric shock: I think I'm possessed!'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Actually I never loved you."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

Welcome to pet obedience school. We're going to have fun and get these darlings into shape. Obey-Wan-Ken

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'