Pet Peeve Ponderer Gifts

Things to whine about: 'I'm making a list of my pet peeves.'

"I do, too, notice the little things, and most of them irritate me."

You know it's my pet peeve when you say "anywhoo."

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.

Human Cull: People who drag their yappy little dogs into stores and restaurants, claiming that they are service or therapy dogs.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

I see

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Fish Food

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."