Pet Lover's Whimsy Gifts

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Roget's Pet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

"He ran out of pee."

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

'Click it or ticket.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

'Oh! She's such a pretty ba-a-by!! Yes, she is! A Pretty, pretty ba-a-a-b!...'

When Pugs dream.

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

Self-walking dog

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

'If we build it, they will come.'

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

BONK!, 'He's not the brightest cat I've ever seen.'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'