Pet-friendly Workout Planner Pillows

And that's why we don't have a cat.

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'This is way better than a litter box.'

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

"O.K., O.K., here's 'Lassie, Come Home' again! Now are you happy?"

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

I'm building a new house here. To my owner over there it's a "pet project." Of course to me, it's just "a project."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

Workout Calendar

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

Bedroom Boat Race Practice

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

Family looking to buy a dog.

"Ambitions... To get birthday treats every dog year, not every seven."

"When the time is right I intend to lead a canine revolution that will bring about a new world order. Until then I'm just hanging around acting cute."

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'

'I'm trying to get him in shape for the dog show.'

'Where do you see yourself in 35 years?'

Valley trash

'We had planned to wait until Bowzer finished obedience school, then I came into heat.'

My dog would like your dog's phone number.