Pet Excuse Inventor Pillows

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

"He's my school project for science class."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"We'd invite you to our place in the country but we're having it torched."

'I promoted Wetherby because he always comes up with better excuses.'

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

'The dog ate the flash drive with my homework on it...but I hope to get it back real soon!'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"I didn't feel any 'earthquake'."

Homework eating dogs

'Can you stop giving me homework, Miss...My dog's putting on weight.'

'It's worse than that -- my little brother ate my homework.'

'Jogging's too dangerous for me. I tried it once, and I rear-ended a mailman.'

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

Well, would you believe the cloud ate my homework?

"Sorry I can't make it tonight, I'm busy organising my widgets."

Kid about report card: 'I had technical problems.'

"...but if it's a business trip why are you taking your fly pole?"

'Trouble is he's not a dalmatian.'

"Sharp pencils, clean paper, good light, comfortable chair, hot coffee, warm room... ready to work... perhaps the room is too warm..."

Reasons to avoid training no.236 - A leaf on the path.

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

'Sorry I'm overdue but I've been in hospital!'

"I can't go job hunting. I don't have a permit."