Excuse Inventor Pillows

'The problem with these eBooks is you can't use the old, 'I went to the library, but the book was out' excuse.'

Employee with a short attention span

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

'You're late for work again, Hayes. What's your lame excuse this time?'

"I stopped to watch the woods fill up with snow."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'The dog ate the flash drive with my homework on it...but I hope to get it back real soon!'

"...but if it's a business trip why are you taking your fly pole?"

"I can't go job hunting. I don't have a permit."

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'It's worse than that -- my little brother ate my homework.'

'I promoted Wetherby because he always comes up with better excuses.'

'I just go where the car takes me. You know what I mean?'

"I didn't feel any 'earthquake'."

Are you stupid, lazy, and worried about your next maths test? Just say the magic words!

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

My daddy ate my homework

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.