Excuse Expert Pillows

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'I'm sorry I didn't practice this week, Mrs. Tinklemeyer. I just had so many distractions!

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was awful this morning."

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

Late again. I know it probably looks like that...but actually, I took my lunch break before work.

'I didn't mean to leave work early yesterday. I must have been walking in my sleep.'

'My dog ate my computer.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'I corrected your homework papers, but my dog ate them.'

'It's snowing, Edna. Call the office and tell them I can't make it in.'

How to deal with weeds

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

Excuses to not go to work - 'Dial An Excuse'

"...according to my records Tomkins, this is your grandmother's seventh funeral."

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"Okay, maybe I did run that red light a little. But in my defence, I was too drunk to notice."

"I did a book report, but then the publisher pulled the book because the author was a plagiarist."

'Honestly, I don't know who J.D. is! I woke up and it was there.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

"I hope I'm not late for the meeting. I couldn't find my... car keys."

Before mom sees this mess, here are some excuse talking points so we're all on the same page.

'I'm sorry I forgot my homework -- I guess I just have a self-cleaning mind.'

People, mom's coming home soon. We need to stop thinking 'excitement' and starting thinking 'excuses'!!!

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

'I didn't get my homework done due to technical difficulties'

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

"I'm too busy going to college to study."

Book of Excuses for Shareholders Meeting

'You better have a good excuse for being late.'

'My Mom's on this real strict diet, and last night she got up and ate my homework'

'I couldn't do my homework because my pocket calculator had a nervous breakdown.'

'That is the worst excuse for forgetting to send a Valentines card that I have ever heard!'

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"