Excuse Maker Pillows

'The dog ate my tax receipts...'

Excuses through the years.

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'But ref, he head-butted my boot.'

'Sleeping at my desk? Uh, no, I was just buffering.'

"Too close to New Year's to start exercising now."

'You should blame, Donny Hart. I've been copying his answers all term!'

'Sorry, but I write my own material.'

The One that got Away

"No, I haven't heard that broccoli was on the endangered species list."

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

'My homework was an important breakthrough in the field of appetite suppression. But the dog ate it.'

"Homework okay, but I draw the line at eating the kid's vegetables."

"It was a huge topical depression bringing with it cyclonic winds, mountainous seas, severe flooding, and a damage bill of millions of dollars, mum!"

"It's not my fault I've failed the maths test Mum: The ink froze in my pen..."

"That's not what 'vertically challenged' means and you know it! -- Now, get out of bed and go to work!"

"They can't all be out to lunch! There are 24 time zones!"

"I don't see myself coming in tomorrow."

"Uh-oh...I better get home. My dad's gonna want a good explanation for being late."

Lame Lines

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"My computer crashed so I couldn't access your blog to get my assignment."

"I couldn't have been going 80 miles per hour - I've only been driving for ten minutes!"

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

I can't see him - can I take a message?

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"C'mon. I've been saving for a rainy day.''

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

'Everything is out of whack, but it's not our fault. I don't think it was ever IN whack.'

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

'The dog ate my homework, here's his vomit to prove it.'

'Jeez, Rex, leave it alone. How do you ever get anything done?'

'I tried to do my term paper, but the video store doesn't have ANYTHING about the Spanish-American War!'

'It's a note from the teacher about the homework you ate last night. It says 'Bad dog'.'

My dog ate my flash drive, and that's where I stored my homework.