Excuse Maker Pillows

'The dog ate my tax receipts...'

Excuses through the years.

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'But ref, he head-butted my boot.'

'Sleeping at my desk? Uh, no, I was just buffering.'

'It's a long story.'

"Too close to New Year's to start exercising now."

'You should blame, Donny Hart. I've been copying his answers all term!'

'Sorry, but I write my own material.'

The One that got Away

"No, I haven't heard that broccoli was on the endangered species list."

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

'My homework was an important breakthrough in the field of appetite suppression. But the dog ate it.'

"Homework okay, but I draw the line at eating the kid's vegetables."

"It was a huge topical depression bringing with it cyclonic winds, mountainous seas, severe flooding, and a damage bill of millions of dollars, mum!"

"It's not my fault I've failed the maths test Mum: The ink froze in my pen..."

"That's not what 'vertically challenged' means and you know it! -- Now, get out of bed and go to work!"

"They can't all be out to lunch! There are 24 time zones!"

"I don't see myself coming in tomorrow."

"Uh-oh...I better get home. My dad's gonna want a good explanation for being late."

Lame Lines

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"My computer crashed so I couldn't access your blog to get my assignment."

"I couldn't have been going 80 miles per hour - I've only been driving for ten minutes!"

"The brakes still feel spongy to me."

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

I can't see him - can I take a message?

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"C'mon. I've been saving for a rainy day.''

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

I'm sorry, but my life is just way too complicated to start dating anybody right now. I have a part-time job, basic cable and a very demanding cactus plant. ! !

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'Everything is out of whack, but it's not our fault. I don't think it was ever IN whack.'

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

'The dog ate my homework, here's his vomit to prove it.'