Excuse Strategist Pillows

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"I've found an effective excuse isn't just about a single isolated incident. It should be in the context of an entire world view."

"You can't say the dog ate your homework, it's really hackneyed. Say your mother is addicted to prescription drugs."

'Sorry he's unavailable. He's in the middle of Cornwall.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

My daddy ate my homework

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

'My arms are getting shorter.'